Don't know where to start from. I am currently completed disconnected from everything, I am regularly checking my emails (need to get rid of the spam!) but otherwise my MSN and Gtalk are 'unusually' not connected. I have my fave track, Temporary Peace, on.
The reason, simple overflow of thoughts and absolutely no ability to actually say them out loud (besides that my voice right now I could qualify to be a heavy metal vocalist, huge potential!).
Anyway, on a more serious note, I have been attending JNC for the last 2 days and I can't believe that 2 days of the most awaited conference in AIESEC Karachi have already come to an end. But within the last 3 hours my insides have shook to the core and there is no better way to say it. Honestly.
Today, we attended a few of the best sessions I have been to. One in particular, was a talk show simulated by the Facis and Chair. It was extremely funny but at the same time posed situations to us that we encounter being in AIESEC. After that our MCP, Emad Nadim, presented a common problem that we have faced in AIESEC in Pakistan. The presentation itself had no pretty backgrouns, animated fonts or pictures. It was just words. Those 15 minutes, i don't even have the words to explain. I couldn't move, couldn't say a word, couldn't think straight - I was frozen. We had another round of discussions and we wrapped up. That session had a huge impact on me and it was more of realization of certain realities that we tend to overlook. While we were wrapping up I sat there for a while, thinking, and I knew I was on the verge of crying but Joanna (MCVP) came and sat next to me and it really helped I held myself back. After reflecting on our objectives, I sat in the corner again, not feeling like myself, I could feel another round of tears welling up in my eyes but Kurt (MCVP), comes and sits next to me, another savior!:) I guess what I'm trying to say is that they didn't need to say anything to me, I knew they understood what I was feeling and I love them for that! By the time the plen ended for the day alot of things happened that were able to revive my spirit.
It wasn't easy for me to make it to this conference, for alot of reasons that I don't want to get into. I managed somehow, but, everyday after I leave plen I get into the car, try to say something conversational to my brother and he just gives me a one word reply. Yesterday, I ignored it but today, after that particular session that was IT, I wanted to scream at him and I just wanted to cry. Swallowed my tears on the ride home silently, the 5 minute drive seemed to last hours. When I got home, I rushed to my room and I started sobbing like anything. I cried my heart out.
But now that I'm here, all those tears seem worth the experience that I'm living everyday in this conference.
12:36 PM
Monday, July 24, 2006
Think about this...
How many lives do we live? How many times do we die? They say we all lose 21 grams... at the exact moment of our death. Everyone. And how much fits into 21 grams? How much is lost? When do we lose 21 grams? How much goes with them? How much is gained? How much is gained? Twenty-one grams. The weight of a stack of five nickels. The weight of a hummingbird. A chocolate bar. How much did 21 grams weigh?
- 21 grams
2:46 AM
Friday, July 21, 2006
Sometimes, the truth is more hurtful than it is meant to be. You spend a lifetime crying over a past that was never real.
11:22 PM
Monday, July 17, 2006
By far, the most eventful birthday.
- Rayan's birthday wish - Sabeen's email - My sister's cake (arranged for it from Aussieland) - Saba's good news - Adeel's cake (baked it himself, extra points!) - Alyzeh's surprise cake - Writing the output - Puneet's reaction at the output - The PC Hug - Birthday wish from MQ and CA - Pictures on the stairs (only 2 of them turned out well) - The Indian style marriage which is not legal in the country - hmm - Emad's love for Pakola - Dead battery (had to wait for 2 hours to receive all my missed msgs!) - Dodi's legs - Mikaal's birthday present (I remember, I wasn't that high) - Dinner at Cafe Flo (swwweeet) - The 'other' present
Everyone I have known in the last 5 years wished me, even after midnight I was receiving msgs of 'I know it's late but...' yes I know orkut had a role to play there, yet, in some cases I knew it was genuine. At 21, you really don't want to make a big deal of your birthday but I won't lie. It was amazing!:)
11:53 PM
happy birthday khala
He makes my bithday even more special. The hottest kid in Australia!:)
1:38 AM
Sunday, July 16, 2006
This paragraph describes perfectly how people, when needed, can find their own form of freedom.
Our class was shaped within this context, in an attempt to escape the gaze of the blind censor for a few hours each week. There, in that living room, we rediscovered that we were also living, breathing human beings; and no matter how repressive the state became, no matter how intimidated and frightened we were, like Lolita we tried to escape and to create our own little pockets of freedom. And like Lolita, we took every opportunity to flaunt our insubordination: by showing a little hair from under our scarves, insinuating a little color into the drab uniformity of our appearances, growing our nails, falling in love and listening to forbidden music.
- Reading Lolita in Tehran
12:45 AM
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Yesterday at Espresso...
Me:(While going through the menu) I want something to eat too... Saba: Why don't you have Potato Skins if you haven't eaten anything all day? Me: Hmm, but I want something sweet, cheesecake, cinnamon roll... I turn to the counter where they display all their mouth-watering desserts. Waiter: Ma'am why don't you try the brownie? Me: (laughing) If it's complimentary, why not? The waiter looks at is manager and turns back to me. Waiter: Okay. Saba and I turn to look at the Specials board and the price is Rs.165! Saba: Sharmeen, if I have to go the ATM I will kill you!
Turns out it really was free and divine!:)
2:31 AM
Monday, July 10, 2006
The weather is beautiful today. Last year, during our so-called monsoon season, I'd step outside every morning to see the sky covered with clouds. All day I'd hope for rain, but the sun would be out again.
Today, after two years (yes, it hasn't rained for 2 years now!)while I was leaving for work, I noticed the wet streets, I could smell the sweet scent of rain; it put an instant smile across my face. It's such a beautiful day. :)
Almost makes me forget about the reminder of what may come in the next 30 hours.
11:46 PM
Sunday, July 09, 2006
I finally received that e-mail Delia promised last night. It was so good to hear from her and I almost forgot about 'Happy Frog'. Her cell phone's screen saver was, according to me, Cookie Monster and according to her, Happy Frog. Eventually, she started calling me that. :)
6:04 AM
Saturday, July 08, 2006
anything
a small gesture a slight touch a movement a thought..
can change
everything
3:46 AM
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
Every time I have tried to come back to one of my blogs - I hardly get past 3 lines and I want to switch my pc off. But I MUST get through this one.
I finally managed to post on the other one which is a HUGE achievement so I know I can do it here too!:)
I have had the worst 24 hours - well I am sure I've been in a similar situation before but this is just too much happening all at once. Come to think of it, until last week I felt happy again, short lived I suppose. These phases always signify a change, I wonder what's next...
A few days ago while talking to a friend, we ended up discussing those times when you're really sick and you think of absolutely everyone you've know. And that's when I thought back to this really strange out-of-body experience I'd had (I'm not going into details) but until now I hadn't realized how much my life changed after that. And that's exactly what this friend said - after those 48 hours of being so ill and seeing everyone he felt like a different person, as if everyone's role in his life had been redefined.
So here's a little something that's inspired me after a while:
The art of losing isn't hard to master; so many things seem filled with the intent to be lost that their loss is no disaster. Lose something every day. Accept the fluster of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master. I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster, some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent. I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster. Even losing you the joking voice, a gesture I love I shan't have lied. It's evident the art of losing's not too hard to master though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.
